dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
