It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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