Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
