For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
