"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
