The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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