Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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