There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
