Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
