Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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