umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
