i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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