just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
