I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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