I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
