How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
