Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
