There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
