Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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