How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
