Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just google imaged poop.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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