it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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