At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
