I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't think brook has ever known best
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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