Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
