The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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