Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize