she looked like the before picture.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
