I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
