I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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