I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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