he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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