i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
