My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
