what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
