those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
