I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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