Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
