my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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