Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
