Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
