I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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