I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
