I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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