I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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