just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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