all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize