im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he shaved USA in his pubs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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