and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
