Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
