Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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