Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
