He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
