if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
