so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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