I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize