I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
