You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
