i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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