hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
