somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
