but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
