and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
