i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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