Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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