he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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