Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
