hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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