you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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