I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
