Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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