Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
