all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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