god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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